So I think I just had my most impactful breakthrough on my personal development journey, which I wanted to share..
Are you ready for it?
It’s a really good one!
Oh, but you think I’m just gonna tell you straight up?
Oh, no no no, first a bit of a background story to set the stage. Deal with it 😉
If you want to understnad the lesson, you gotta know the journey, but if you’re really impatient, you can just scroll to the end and read the golden nugget.
The other day I watched this TED talk by Vishen about being ‘Unfuckwithable’ (link here)
I’ve watched it before a while back, but something drew me back to it.
And I think it was talking with a friend about love and self-love. She’d asked me “Who’s the person you need to forgive?” and that had reminded me of this talk. Because the first step to being ‘Unfuckwithable’ is to forgive and practice it continously, which I’d never done – but figured that I might as well give it a shot.
So I did.
I forgave the boss who abused me and never paid my salary. I forgave the mentor, who took my money, coaching me into feeling horrible about myself and made me lose hope in my dream. I forgave the lover who I’d trusted with my life, but who in return took everything I had from me and left me broken in pieces. I forgave bullies, friends, my parents and everyone else. Full on forgiveness and letting go. And man. It was liberating to say the least!
So then there was just one person left to forgive….
And I waited with that one, because it was going to be the hardest and it was also the most important one.
So I got down to it.
And I forgave myself for not being perfect, for being vulnerable, for hurting others, for not being good enough and so on… I thought I was done.
But there was one little piece missing…
One more thing I had to forgive that was more important than any of the other things.
I had to forgive how I’d been treating myself. I had to forgive the hurt and pain I’d caused myself and most importantly I had to forgive how I’d been speaking to myself.
Because there I was.
Looking at myself treating everyone else with kind words and love. Making sure everyone else was happy and feeling good. And inside, I’d been telling myself:
“Do better, be better, not good enough, try harder, be perfect!”
Ouch! Like wtf man, why does everyone else get such special treatment and I’m being told off all the time! That hurts man.
So I had to apologize.
- “Sorry man, it’s just what I learned growing up…”
Make a promise to transform my approach.
- “We’re not doing that anymore!”
And I could forgive myself.
- “We good bro?” – “Yeah man, we good.”
And here’s the cool thing.
Because what’s really great is the new approach to self-talk, you might have heard about it.
The same friend who’d asked me to forgive myself had also asked me to find a picture of myself as a child, so I had. And I realized in transforming my talk to myself, I needed to talk to myself like I would that child.
Last night when I found the photo and looked at myself, my thought was this “Urghh, how he looks!” (ouch!).
Today. I saw this:
”Holy shit, that kid looks like he’s going through hell… That poor little guy needs some god damned love and affection! And some support! And someone to just say, ‘hey, I see you, you’re good enough, I love you!'”
Isn’t it interesting how much a bit of perspective can do to change how we think about things?
But that’s what I’m gonna do. Take better care of that little guy.
And I’m pretty excited about it actually! And I wanted to share it with you here as well, because that makes it just a little bit more real and just a little bit more committed. Now that it’s public, there’s no going back 😉
There’s also the golden nugget that I promised you. So for those of you who skipped ahead. Here it is:
“Treat yourself with love and compassion.”