What hat do you wear?

Everyone of us is as mad as a hatter…


I grew up in a very unprotected home environment physically, emotionally and mentally. Deceits, lies, abuse, manipulation, violence, terror and neglect were the norms that I found to be the reality or truth of my world.

One particular moment I distinctly remember is going to a teacher-parent meeting at my school with my mother and the teacher asking her:

So how are things at home?

And my mother replying:

Everything is going really well.

Both the teacher and I believed her…

And because I didn’t know what was normal, I didn’t know what other kids went through at home, I had no other choice but to form the belief that the abuse and neglect was normal. In fact, it was even going really well as my mother had so positively put it.

And so I went out into the world unprotected and unaware that the scars being put on my soul, on my body and in my mind was not how life was supposed to be. It was in fact, not going very well at all.

Today however, I’m grateful for it.



You see, we all have this growing up.

We all of us learn what is normal and when things are going really well. And it becomes such a part of who we are, that we don’t even see it anymore. The things we believe and grow up with, we never challenge, because they’re so ingrained in us all, that it’s just part of who we are.

So I’m grateful that I had to go through hell, because looking back today, having now experienced what is normal and even the counter opposite of what is truly amazing, I can see clearly the distinction. Night and day. Heaven and hell. And that has helped form the self-awareness that I have today, which enables me to challenge, change and transform my beliefs into something better.

I set the rules for how my life is to be lived.

I had the luxury of growing up and exploring the world without a filter and without any protection from outside influence. And because of that, I’ve worn many hats in how I’ve lived my life and seen myself. In fact.

I’ve worn all the hats people have told me to wear and in wearing them, they’ve become part of me.

So I am the victim of bullying and I am the kid who did the bullying. I am the ugly ginger monkey and I’m the beautiful red-headed man. I am the weak and sickly child and I am the unstoppable Viking. I am an asshole and I am an incredible leader. Everything I was ever told, I took it to heart, I wore the hat, I made it part of who I am.

Today, looking back at all the hats, I’ve been wearing. Looking back at what all the people offered me of different hats and reflecting on why they would offer me what they would offer me, then I’ve come to the conclusion:

We’re all of us mad and living in our own little wonderland, making it up as we go along.



In wearing the many hats of my life, I’ve got to experience many different ways of living. Both good and bad.

What I’ve found blows my mind today.

No matter the belief. No matter the lifestyle. No matter my way of thinking. No matter the hat I’ve worn. I’ve always found companionship. In whatever madness of thinking, I was never alone. As a loser, I found the losers. As a winner, I found the winners. As a servant, I found a master. As a master, I found a servant. As a hateful person, I found hate. As a loving person, I found love.

Whoever I was, there was someone on the other end to play their part and help keep me that hat on. No matter the hat, someone was there to tell me it was the right hat and I found purpose in wearing it.

That to me at least, is very interesting…



It showed me one thing.

It showed me that everything I had become in my life, whoever I had attracted into my life and whatever the hat I wore – fundamentally the only thing making it a reality, was my thinking.  And as I changed my thoughts, changed my mind and changed the hat I was wearing, so too, did my life change. Completely.

And if you truly grasp this concept, then it really is profound.

Because no matter who you are right now, no matter the life you are living right now, no matter the hat you have chosen to wear – then you can change it. Just with your thoughts. Now to me, this is why I think we’re all mad, because we’re just a couple of thoughts away from a different life… And so isn’t it mad how many of us go on living lives, we don’t really enjoy?

Even more so, isn’t it maddening to know how little it really takes for everything to change?

We build our lives, beliefs and who we are as solid castles and might never realize, that the foundation we’ve built it upon is nothing but thin air. It can all disappear, change and transform simply by changing the hat you wear.

I changed my hat out of necessity, because the hat I had been forced to wear was ill-fitted for my life – and so I had to create a new hat to wear. And I love my new hat. It makes me feel just about as fabulous as the dog in the picture above.

Now what about you….

Is it time for you to change the hat, you are wearing?



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