When I was 21 I went to Australia without a plan and without a single coin on me to spend. I just fucking did it, because why not, I wanted to see what the world had to offer me. I went to the other side of the planet, away from everything, and I took on one of the toughest jobs imaginable. Direct sales on a pure commission. In other words, if I didn’t make sales, I wouldn’t get paid – at all.
And I damn well made it. For a year I succeeded and I thrived doing that! I was the king of the world and nothing could stop me.
Then my brother goes and kills himself with an overdose. And my fiancé can’t deal with my depression, so she up and leaves me 2 months later. So I break apart. But I never stop moving forward.
Last year my world broke apart again. I threw away the best and healthiest relationship, I’d ever had, because I was just that self-destructive. And I ended up in a situation where I was being abused by other people both financially and emotionally. Because I was just that self-destructive.
In hindsight though, I’m happy it happened, because all that damn abuse meant that I finally had to confront my demons and my trauma going all the way home to my abusive and alcoholic home. I finally got to open up all that bs and start healing it.
But damn it, healing is a messy process!
And I’ve been so fucking fragile lately with raw skin. The slightest draft on my skin would be as painful as a knife-cut. But I never stopped moving forward.
I kept working on myself. Kept healing. I kept building my business. Kept growing. I kept taking steps forward. I kept moving.
And along the way, I’ve stumbled, I’ve fallen, I’ve broke apart again, I’ve hurt, I’ve caused hurt to others and I’ve made mistakes, but damn it, healing is a messy process. And I’m not done yet. Not even close. I’ve got a long way to go still, probably the rest of my life. Ask me in about a decade how I’m doing, but the truth is…
I’m not fragile. I grit my teeth and carry all that pain, I stand tall and smile at the world, asking and daring it “What’s next?”
I’m ready and I can take it. No matter what life throws at me.
And my bet is that so can you. You’ve got that strength as well. Because we’re not little porcelain cups that fall to the ground and break into a million pieces. We’re fucking rubber balls that just bounce higher the harder you throw it.
So go ahead and throw me to the damned ground.