Rise like a phoenix

Imagine you woke up one day and had complete amnesia. You remembered nothing of your life. Nothing at all. No childhood, no education, no career, no relationships, no friends, no family. You woke up a complete blank slate.

And then someone told you, that you are in fact a famous public speaker, who spreads joy to and inspires millions of people around the world. That’s all you were told and all you knew.

Now would you maybe walk and talk in a different way, if that’s all you knew?

Would you act and behave a different way, than you are today?

Is it possible that your thoughts, your emotions and your experience of life would be entirely different, if you woke up with such a different belief?

The answer is yes. To all of it. If you truly believed it, then you would walk, talk, act, behave, speak, think, feel and experience life in an entirely different way. Don’t get me wrong, you’d still be you, but just an enhanced version…. And the truth is, right now, you’re already an enhanced version of you.

This to me is fascinating beyond anything. The realization that just by changing our belief, we can completely transform everything in our lives – and yet, so many of us satisfy ourselves with a life that is not spectacular…

Be warned, it’ll hurt like hell if you fall down. The climb back up the mountain though. Worth it.



I transform.

I am constantly seeking to grow and improve, to be better than I was yesterday and the day before that. I find that people I’ve met 3 months ago no longer recognize me and I can’t really blame them. They knew me for who I was back then but for me 3 months can equal 3 years of growth, so I’m not the same as I was back then. In fact I don’t remember or recognize the person, I was back then neither, which makes it difficult for me to talk with anyone from my past.

They expect me to have stayed in the same place, but I never do.

If you don’t believe me, try reading my blog posts from 3 months ago and see the difference for yourself. I’m still the same person deep down, but everything else transforms.

The final plant is throwing its hands up in the air, saying “aayyoooo, gotta let go”

Right now I’ve been reading “The mastery of Love”. It’s an amazing book. It talks about healing the wounds of the past and cleansing the body. And how do you do that? Like a surgeon you go in with a scalpel and cut out whatever poison is there using the truth and then with love, acceptance and care you heal the wounds left behind.

So I’m cleansing. I’m cutting out the poison with the scalpel of truth and I’m healing the wounds. That’s what my journey is about.



And downright sexy afterwards!

We are so powerful and we have unlimited potential. We can literally change our entire reality simply by changing our thoughts. If you woke up tomorrow with a different belief system, your entire life could be radically transformed. What if you woke up on a rainy day but loving gloomy weather as much as you love the sun – how different would your day be?

I think we know this. Deep down. All of us know that we have that power and that responsibility. We can make the change if we want to, but so why don’t we?

I’ve done it. More times than I can count.

Truthfully though, I’ve done it out of the pure necessity of survival. Because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been around anymore. Adapt to survive, seems like the ultimate practice in humanity really.



Sometimes I wish I could wake up with a different life, than the one I lived, but I would have never made it to where I am today, if it hadn’t been for the life, I’ve lived. So I’m grateful.

I’m grateful for the abuse and manipulation suffered throughout my childhood.

I’m grateful for the amount of fear and stress I endured growing up, with cortisol levels so high it’s lead me to develop two auto-immune diseases. Imagine that. Your body feeling so unsafe, it starts attacking itself to the point of bleeding internally.

I’m grateful for the violence, the pain, the hell that became normality and the fact that I thought for so long that it was normal. I thought this is just how the world is for everyone.

I’m grateful for how unboundaried everything was, because it led me to endure so much more going down a messy path in life. A life spent surrounding myself with abusive and manipulative people, and allowing the abuse of my childhood to continue.

I’m grateful for every diagnosis, I’ve had to accept and deal with: Aspergers, Bipolar, CPTSD. They’ve taught me more than any teacher or book ever could.

So if you’re a complete nutter, you’re probably on the right track 😉



If I’d listened to my teachers, doctors or psychologists, then today I would have been living alone in a small and dark apartment eating pills all day, funded by the government and without a future. I would have been one of those invisible people, living just outside the borders of society, with no future or real hope, a lost life. That’s what happened to my brother and he didn’t survive it.

But luckily I’ve had to heal my body, my mind and my heart. I’m still doing that. And with each little part that I’ve healed, with each little part that I’ve shined the scalpel of truth on, my life has become infinitely better.

Who says I can’t change my personality into someone who lives an incredible life despite the challenges?

Who says I can’t change my diet and lifestyle to stop triggering my autoimmune diseases?

Who says I can’t heal my body and mind without numbing myself with pills?

Who says I have to accept labels of being wrong, weird, crazy or insane?

Who the fuck said I had to live a shitty life, just because I got dealt a bad deck of cards?

I get to decide what my life is going to be like, no one else does.



Honestly though…

I’m terrified of sharing these wounds, but this is part of the healing process for me. Shine that light of truth on it and let it go.

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness…

I am terrified of how people might judge me based on knowing that you can fit labels on me like: aspergers, bipolar, cptsd and colitis ulcerative. Because with how much I’ve been told is wrong with me, I shouldn’t even be allowed to leave home. Those labels would have had me living a nightmare, if I’d let it.

But the truth is that all the things wrong with me were symptoms of the challenges, I had to endure. Symptoms of abuse. And I wonder how many other people have been labelled fucked up, simply because the people around them have been treating them in a fucked up way. What if it’s not you that’s wrong, what if it’s them?

So fuck that.

And fuck those fears. I’ve had to learn how to deal with each and every challenge, that ever came my way, and it’s made me unstoppable. It’s made me who I am today. It’s made me a master of my body, mind, heart and my destiny. And nobody can ever take that away from me.

I am constantly growing and transforming, and in 3 months’ time, I’ll be a completely different person than I am today. I know I’ll be better, faster, stronger, happier, wiser and more loving. And most importantly, I know that nothing is ever going to stop me. I’ve dragged myself through the hell I was raised in and I’ve come out on the other side just as passionate about life as when I was brought into this world.



... or end up floating around in the dark and infinite abyss of space… (still worth it)

And what’s the point of this?

Hell. I don’t know. It’s just a story. It’s just about me taking ownership of all the shit, that’s been handed to me during the last 29 years. Because it’s only by doing so, that I can rise above it and beyond it, grow from it and transform.

I’m healing the wounds of my past however messy it might get.

So that I can build a future tomorrow going beyond what I ever dared dream of.

And so that my present can be filled with so much more happiness, love and adventures, that I am grateful for every single challenge, I’ve ever had to overcome.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing and creating.

What are you up?


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