Healthy Relationships

The 5 social spaces

So you are represented in the innermost shape of the star and surrounded by the different layers of people, who are potentially in your life. The closer you’ve got them, the more influence they have on you. Simple.

Here’s why people might occupy that specific circle of trust.

  • They love you and wish for you to live a happy life at your full potential.
  • They care about you and want to protect you.
  • They want something from you.
  • They are projecting their own problems onto you.
  • They are bored or lack drive.

That’s right, you’re the star in the middle, the center of your own little universe!


1) They love you and wish for you to live a happy life at your full potential. (red heart space)

These are the people you want in your life. Period.

These are the people you can actually trust to help you reaching a dream life. A life of happiness and love.

The key here is finding people where the love isn’t self-serving, but rather unconditional. The kind of people, who will do whatever it takes for you to live a happy life, even if it means giving you up and setting you free. The idea of “If you love someone, set them free” applies here.

They’re really fucking rare, so you better appreciate them, when you’re lucky (or deserving enough) to get a person like that into your life.


2) They care about you and want to protect you. (blue circle of trust)

Typically your family and close friends.

My parents have a belief system that in order for me to live a good life of happiness, love and success, then I need an education. So despite the fact that education used to make me very unhappy and I was unsuited for the study programs, I went into, then they still urged me on to do it, which eventually lead to some very unhappy and disastrous results for me.

Of course it’s very nice to experience other people wanting to care for and protect you, but if it leads to you living an unhappy life, because you’re following their path instead of your own, then it’s not really worth it…

It wasn’t until I stopped listening to my parents (after 3 failed attempts at an education) and did my own thing instead, that I started actually feeling happy and being successful in my life.


3) They want something from you. (grey hexagon shape)

This area is a bit of grey zone, because sometimes the people in this area can be helpful to you and you want them close, but be careful not to misinterpret their intentions and place them too close to you! They want something from you and it’s typically more likely that they’ll take without ever even considering giving anything back.

A: Love

They want to feel loved by you or they are trying to heal. They’re not necessarily going to give love back or they might even be incapable of doing so, but they want you to love them, to admire them and to cherish them. There’s typically a deficit of love however, so thread carefully.

B: Happiness

When you need happiness from others, it’s usually because you’re lacking it yourself, remember that. They might be good at getting happiness from you, but if they don’t know how to give it back to you, then they’re not worth having around. Personal development and growth typically is an extension of happiness.

C: Sympathy

All aboard the pity train. If you’ve gotta feel miserable, you might as well do it with some company. Don’t bother to keep them around. It’s their chosen emotional addiction and you can’t cure an addict. As an extension of this, there’s also those who want to use you to continuously feel anger, hate or sadness.

D: Power

Having control over others is a very powerful feeling and some will seek it actively by trying to assert dominion over you. There’s typically an end goal in mind for them to achieve, which is usually self-serving rather than catering to the needs of those under their power. Keep clear.

E: Money

A basic motivator for pretty much everyone. And it might actually be the healthiest one of all of these, because it’s at least honest and direct. Buyer or customer, if the value is present (double check first), then go ahead, but realize that this is the prime motivator and expect nothing else.


4) They are projecting their own problems onto you. (7 point shape)

Friends, family, acquaintances, healers, psychologists, psychotherapists, coaches, mentors, teachers, etc

Their intentions are generally good, but their actions are coming from a place of deficit. They’re trying to heal themselves through you and they’re projecting their own problems onto you.

They’re quick to give advice and suggestions for how you should improve, but most often they’ve got their own problems to deal with.

There’s a lot to be learned from this, because they can potentially teach you something new and even show you blinds spots that you didn’t know you had – which you can then use to grow. However, they can potentially also just create new problems and make up blind spots in you that you didn’t have before, so be very critical in dealing with these kinds of people.

Keep at a safe distance.


5) They are bored or lack drive. (black shape)

The zombie apocalypse is real. Run away. Personally I don’t hang around zombies for too long. They want my brains…


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  1. […] And if you want to learn more about each of these spaces, then go right here. […]

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