I know I gotta look out for myself, I know I gotta take care of myself, I know I gotta treat myself well both physically and mentally… I also know I should get to bed around 22 each night, so I can fall asleep at 23. But as you know, rules are meant to be broken (and sometimes made fun of for being silly), so last night I went to sleep after 2 am, even though I knew that meant only 5 hours of sleep.
Because last night was more important than the rules.
Last night I finally got to meet my roommate.
We’ve been living together for the past few months. With him and his girlfriend. They’re very good people, scientists and they tend to keep to themselves in their research – which fits me perfectly, because so do I. We hang out together though, we go out, we eat together and we talk about the small things that stir, but we haven’t really connected beyond that, on a deeper level.
Last night we broke that mold however and got to talk about it all. And I think we both got a sense of what it means to really be human and share this journey, we call life.
About our experiences living together, the good and the bad, we got to laugh about it all and make jokes about each other’s weirdness. We shared our troubles with each other and got to unload on some of the difficulties of life. And finally we got to speak about our past, our upbringing and the baggage that we carry. None of us have really had it that easy and it’s nice to be reminded sometimes, that you’re not the only one who struggles sometimes.
We all struggle. We all have our own battles to fight. We’re all just trying our hardest to find our way in life to live happy and fulfilled.
Now the story isn’t about his story or my story, you’ll have to talk with each of us if you want to hear that one – but it is about how that meeting and that late night conversation impacted us.
Today, even with just 5 hours of sleep, I feet uplifted. I felt light. At peace. Having spoken for hours and shared our thoughts, fears, dreams, hopes, challenges, growths, pains and love, then I feel liberated from a lot of the heavier things. I feel happy.
It’s what the romantic would describe as two souls meeting each other in a beautiful embrace. And let’s be honest, I am a romantic 😉
So today I’ve glided through life in a different way with an ease (it might also just be the lack of sleep), and the world has seemed more bright and beautiful. The sun has been warmer and shined brighter. Work has been fun again. And life. Seems to make more sense again. The path ahead is clear.
Conversations like that are important. Conversations like that will save you months of therapy. Conversations like that remind you that we’ve all struggling, we’re all in this together and we’re going to be alright 🙂
I wouldn’t have been able to have a conversation like we did last night 6 months ago.
I was shut off to the world that way. All my life I carried my pain on the inside and I wouldn’t share it with anyone, I wouldn’t share myself fearing how I would be received. So I’d suppress all emotion. Anything negative, wasn’t allowed to exist, but just because you push it down, tha tdoesn’t mean it goes away. So I carried whatever hurt and pain life offered me, without showing any sign of it or ever really being able to let go of it.
But that’s not the way forward, it’s not a healthy way to live.
And last night with that conversation, that meeting, that connection was helping solidify the growth that has needed to happen. From being soft on the outside and hard on the inside to being hard on the outside and soft on the inside. To shut the world out at a superficial level and let it in on a deeper level. To share myself and my challenges without fear, and to help unburden both myself and others.
Truth is though it’s a process and I’m probably still a tough both on the inside and the outside now as well, but the shift is happening, step by step, day by day. I’m moving that softness that used to be on the outside for everyone to take to the inside for the few, who I want to share it with.
And that’s important. To keep that softness and keep it sacred.
To not let the world make you hard, tough and cold, but instead allow yourself to go through the pain without losing your softness or love for the world. Where we allow each other and ourselves to be vulnerable, to share our story and to let it heal us.
And then to share it and let it inspire others.