I shudder at the thought of where we are today.
A lot has happened in a year. I’ve just spent an hour and half doing a mentorship call with a close friend from last year, 2016.
We met at a course that was supposed to help us achieve our dream but instead left us both ready to give up on it completely. Both of us feeling lost and demotivated. I’ve contacted her because I’m not ready to give up and I don’t want her to either, because her dream is important. It matters. So does mine.
Reflecting on the chat afterwards I realize I’m lucky. I see myself as unstoppable.
Anyone who knows me can attest to my at times overly ambitious and overzealous approach to progress and in building something new (strong traits for an entrepreneur, but not always the most compassionate character). Unstoppable in spirit, however.
Which doesn’t mean I don’t break down, that I don’t face challenges that knock me on my ass or sometimes just want to give up, throw in the towel and hide in my bed for a month – but it means I’m always progressing and moving forward. Unstoppable.
I learned that in my childhood.
To take responsibility for my life and move through the hardships, no matter the challenges. What most people imagine as a nightmare was every day for me back then: fear, anger and hate. Those were the feelings that permeated the dysfunctional home with alcoholism and violence where I grew up. And I learned one very important thing from that.
“You’re shit out of luck, kiddo, because nobody is coming to save you. You’re on your own.”
- My first school kicked me out in third grade for being a problem child.
- The state didn’t intervene, the police didn’t help us and the neighbors seemed non-existent.
- God didn’t change my situation and Superman didn’t rescue us.
And so the fear, abuse, broken furniture, aggression, deceit, alcoholism and violent rage became just another casual Monday afternoon.
I’ve forgiven my parents and stepfather as I realize today that they were doing their best based on how life had shaped them. And you can’t ask for any more than someone’s best.
Sure, I could wish for a healthy childhood with a loving family but that was not in the cards I was dealt, and I’m not going to spend the rest of my life being angry about something I’ll never be able to change. As I let go of the past I’m able to let it strengthen me – and use it to make me unstoppable.
That for me was how I took responsibility and ownership of my life. Both the good and the bad. And it was the first lesson I wrote down on my body. A Japanese symbol meaning “Leader”, signifying that I am the leader of my life.
The leader of my own life.
I take full responsibility for it.
And that’s brought me away from the depression I used to live in, away from the job which slowly killed me day by day, away from the relationships which drained my soul and away from the entrapment of my own mind fueled by the nightmares of my past. It’s made me realize a life where I feel genuine happiness every day, where sadness is but a passing wave in life and where I have the courage to follow my dreams. Unstoppable.
A life where I get to do what I want to, what I love to do and surround myself with incredible people who bring me both fulfillment, love and happiness. It’s allowed me to live out my dreams.
I made that happen because I knew I was shit out of luck, kiddo, and no one was coming to save me. I’m on my own.
And so are you!
And guess what?
That’s amazing! Because it means you have all the power to shape your own life. You have that responsibility. And if you think or are waiting for someone to come and save you, well then, you’re shit out of luck, kiddo, because no one is – you’re on your own.
But you can do it.
You can change your life and make it into exactly what you want it to be. That’s your power. Don’t believe me? Well… Go listen to some Tony Robbins and come back when you’ve practiced some power thinking and maybe a power pose or two. Or go shout “I am the warrior!” at some ducks or something. I find it helps me when I’m feeling down.
Joking aside… The point is: you are the master of your own destiny!
So if you’ve got a dream you want to achieve, then it’s up to you! And I believe you can do it if you really want to. In fact, I know you can do what you really dream about if you’re ready to buckle down and get to work. And stick to it as well! Taking responsibility and being unstoppable.
Now! Are you ready for that?
No one else is going to do it for you, so I recommend picking yourself up and taking charge. Because you’ll need your full strength for chasing down your dreams because you can expect there to be obstacles in your way to try and stop you. Testing to see if you’re really going to do it even when it gets tough.
That’s right. It’s going to be a challenging journey for you with dangerous obstacles and even monsters in your way. Dream-stealing monsters, that is. With big scary fangs, evil eyes and a bad haircut.
And I want to help you spot these damn creatures, before they eat your soul, steal your dreams and run away with both your wallet and underwear. I know, they’ve got some weird fetishes these monsters.
As you might have guessed these monsters are masters of disguises! They’re so damned sneaky that they blend in as ordinary people. They can even look just like your friends, family and loved ones! Now there’s a scary thought if I’ve ever heard one….
With the life I’ve lived, I’ve met quite a few of them and 2017 is the year where I’ve drawn the line (literally) and said no more monsters. I’m done. In essence this means no more outside toxic influence in my life. The way I see it, you’re either with me or you’re in my way. And you don’t want to get in my way cause I’m unstoppable. “Choo choo motherfucker.”
So I made this map to remind myself to check my relationships and who I’ve let into my circle of trust. Or tribe even. And I’m sharing it with you because if you’re reading this and recognize that you deserve the best in your life then you probably need it to.
So you are represented in the innermost shape of the star and surrounded by the different spaces of influence with the people, who are potentially in your life. The closer you’ve got them, the more influence they have on you. Simple.
Here’s the kind of people that occupy my spaces and their reasons for being there:
- They love you and wish for you to live a happy life at your full potential. (your heart space)
- They care about you and want to protect you. (your circle of trust)
- They want something from you.
- They are projecting their own problems onto you.
- They are bored or lack drive.
And if you want to learn more about each of these spaces, then go right here.
Now you might be wondering “But Edvard! Where are the scary monsters, you promised me?”
It’s like I said, they’re in there somewhere, hiding in plain sight.
They want your dreams.
To hell if I know why, I’m not bothered to ask people on a second date to find out why they fucked me over and left me with the bill on the first one.
Here’s a guess though: your success reminds them of their own failures. Your light reminds them of their own darkness. Your happiness and strength reminds them of their sadness and weakness. If I was to guess, that’s probably why the Law of Jante was written as well.
“Don’t go thinking you’ve got anything better than I do, ever! Because it makes me feel inadequate and that hurts my fluffy little ego.”
Now some of these bad boys might just be seeding doubt in your mind, trying to keep you on their level and talking you or your dreams down. Typically you’ll find them in the blue circle of trust. You trust what they say because after all they’re generally pretty cute and friendly… And sometimes they’re doing it to protect you, but if you’re sacrificing your own happiness and success to satisfy someone else’s needs and desires, then stop. Live your own damned life and kick these monsters out of your circle of trust.
That is at least if you want that little star shaped figure in the center of your universe to reach its full potential. Sometimes you’ve got be willing to walk the journey on your own. And there are better people out there who will not only support and care for you, but will actually believe in you and your dreams as well – but as long as you’ve got monsters occupying that space then there won’t be room for them to move in.
And I’ve made a decision and drawn a line (literally) saying: You’re either with me, or you’re in my way. And you don’t want to get in my way cause I’m unstoppable. “Choo choo motherfucker.”
But Edvard! You promised me real monsters, this isn’t scary at all!
Alright alright, so let’s get to it.
The scariest and sickest thing I’ve ever experienced is a monster fighting its way into my heart space; my inner and most trusted space of “loving and wishing for me to live a happy life at my full potential” but really was only there purely motivated by their own greed: for money, power or other self-serving needs. Once the need was met, the money paid or the power gained, they were gone in a heartbeat. “Poof.”
I’ll be the first to admit I can be a gullible people-pleaser at times and growing up in a home where love was a conditional ressource, then I’ve been pretty quick to open up to anyone who seemed to offer me genuine love and affection. What you lack from home you tend to seek elsewhere and so when someone tells me they believe in me, that they love me and that they truly have my best intentions in their heart, then I was silly enough to actually believe it. I guess I walked right into that one, didn’t I?
But that doesn’t justify taking advantage of it of course. Just because someone is a bit naïve and trusting, or maybe not quite as selfish as a self-serving monster (with very poor dental hygjiene) then it doesn’t justify manipulation and exploitation even if in their sicko mind it does. There shall be a reckoning, I’m sure.
And if you’re picking up a slight bit of antagonism here, then it’s because there’s quite a bit of that going on in fact.
Because this is the real dream-stealing monster. This is the one, you’ve gotta look out for and get out of your life as soon as possible. Because they don’t care, not even a tiny little bit. It’s not about you and it will never be about you, it’s about what they need and what they want. So don’t let them into your heart space or your circle of trust. Period. They will fuck that shit right up and leave you hanging with the bill without losing a second of sleep – and the truth is, that you don’t deserve that. You don’t.
So if you’ve got one in your life right now, then kill that fucking monster like the hero you are. Don’t let it steal your dream. Pick up your sword and fight like a fucking champion. Fight for your dreams. Fight for your happiness. And fight for your life. Be unstoppable.
And when you’ve got your life back where you want, then draw that line in and say enough is enough.
Because I for one am done being kind to monsters. Slice and dice.
So if you want to make sure your dreams aren’t being killed off, then what I recommend you do next is to have a good and hard look at the people or potentially monsters, you’ve let into your most trusted space.
Why are they there?
And are they helping you reach your dreams or are they killing them off?
And remind yourself that when it comes to the people in your life:
You’re either with me, or you’re in my way. And you don’t want to get in my way cause I’m unstoppable. “Choo choo motherfucker.”
Now get out there and be a hero! 😉